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Attention Vancouver Bartenders: Your Customers Crave the Sweet Juices of Mr. Burt Reynolds

September 25, 2011

Vancouver, BC is a lively metropolis of over 100,000 people. Rich with teams, sprawling with the rich, and teeming with sprawl, Vancouver is a totes deece vacation spot and a beautiful place to be unemployed. Indeed, I could sit here all night complimenting Vancouver instead of doing my eye-glazingly boring homework.

But, reader, I’m troubled. Last night as I got right the hell into Helen DeWitt’s The Last Samurai (holy shit–the protagonist and the author are classics program dropouts!) instead of doing my brain-hazingly boring homework, I received a textual communiqué from a dear relative of mine who recently moved to the Lower Mainland to increase her respectability and status in the family by going back to school. Written from an unnamed public house, where she’d been enjoying a quiet weekend beverage with friends, the text’s tale was terse but tragic: its author had ordered the most delicious shot ever concocted by man, and the bartender had not known how to make it.

The internet’s benevolent desire to unite vital information with the people who seek it is exploited almost as frequently as its perverse desire to unite filthy pornography with the people who seek it. With that in mind, I beg you: if you are a native Vancouverite, if you’re a citizen of another province living here for some (or no) reason, or if you have even one friend or family member in the city, do your part for smooth flavour and classy fun by spreading the word about the Burt Reynolds.

The Burt Reynolds is a shot named after Burt Reynolds. Unlike its namesake, the shot is the most pleasant thing you will ever allow to slide down your throat. And with all due respect to the muff diver, the real beauty of the Burt is that it isn’t one of those pain-in-the-ass, five-ingredient shots. Gentlemen, behold: the simple yet flawless recipe.

1/2 oz. spiced rum

1/2 oz. butterscotch schnapps

That’s it! And the measurements don’t even have to be exact. Don’t fuck around. Just do the liquors roughly half-and-half and you will have a taste sensation that you have not experienced outside of your wildest fantasies. An option you always have, especially when doing the Burt Reynolds with a drunk group of people, is to make a “moustache” above your lip with your pointer finger while greedily wrapping your lips around the shot glass.

Vancouver is missing out on the Burt Reynolds. But it doesn’t have to be this way! Knowledge is power. Let’s spread the word and make Burtless bars a thing of the past.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. JB Mclean permalink
    April 15, 2012 5:00 pm

    I tried ordering one in Edmonton and the bartender didnt know it, then he seemed disgusted when i told him.

    • joe permalink
      November 21, 2012 8:12 pm

      Deadmonton bartenders are used to serving mouthwash to the locals…

  2. June 30, 2012 7:49 pm

    Us vancouver bartenders have been making this shot for 5 years. Nothing new here.

    • Kate permalink*
      October 18, 2012 8:50 pm

      Well, you’re one of the good ones. I commend and appreciate your Burting abilities.

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