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In Soviet Russia, Screen Shoots You

December 17, 2010

I just learned how to do a screen shot! How do you like me now, basic technology that’s been in my computer all along?

It was necessary to acquire this important skill because I added “climbing in your windows” and “snatching your people up” to my activities on Facebook. This hilarious reference to a viral video that people have already quit watching and nobody will know what it is three months from now demanded to be captured forever. Truly, invention is the mother of necessity.

So then after that matter was taken care of I got to experimenting and came across this list of Googled laments, which you can I believe click to embiggen:


For the visually unfortunate and/or click-unprone, a larger-text version:

help i am locked in the library

help i need somebody

help i need a job

help i need help

Wow, wait a second: is that one of my poems? ‘Cause that’s what it reads like, minus punctuation and capital letters. If it’s not one of mine, then I have to pat myself on the back for having more discipline than I realized in terms of how I word my feelings.

You think you’re alone in the universe and then you find out that everyone else’s top four problems are the same as yours. The internet: absorbing and regurgitating humanity’s collective despair since 1992.

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