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Bucket List 2010

September 26, 2010

These days everybody who’s anybody and many people who are nobody are compiling bucket lists. In the interest of seeming “fresh” and “with it,” I offer mine to the pile.


SAND BUCKETS (featuring shovels)

1. Children’s Plastic Sand Bucket. This is the first type of pail (or bucket) I remember owning. Many children use them on beaches in the construction of sand castles or the traumatizing of unfortunate minnows.






2. Puke Bucket. Self-explanatory, and just one of the many reasons why I refuse to have children. A puke bucket can be fashioned from nearly any pail or bowl-shaped item; brand-name receptacles designed for the purpose are also, fortunately or regrettably, available.

3. Wooden Bucket. An old classic from the days of yore. People have been using these since basically the beginning of time for all their holding and transporting needs. You can put nearly anything you like in one. Sunflowers, pens, smaller buckets. Whatever you want, seriously. They’re versatile. And you can paint them, like if you get into a crafty mood, just head to a home renovation place and get a small thing of paint, bring it home, spread some newspapers and go to town. Natural wood is also a great look, though.

BUCKET OF CHICKEN: Finger lickin' good


4. Bucket of Chicken. Verbatim quotation from my grandmother: “I liked the old Colonel Sanders–not the cartoon asshole they have now.” Amen. A bucket of chicken can be acquired from any KFC location. Enjoy watching your family fight over certain parts of the chicken–“I want the drumstick,” “I call thigh,” etc.

5. Excavator Bucket. These things certainly aren’t fucking around, are they? I’ve never personally used one, but it looks like you hook it to your Caterpillar and start scraping the top layer off whatever is in your path. (Note: Excavators of archaeological materials–pot shards, more pot shards, smaller pot shards–DO NOT use excavator buckets.)


6. Slop/Compost Bucket. Generally a shiny metal object with a snugly fitting lid, and almost certainly the rankest thing in your home, the slop or compost bucket is where you deposit unwanted organic materials (egg shells, body parts, etc.). Decomposition begins almost immediately, and you will smell the results. Once a week, or less often if you’re a procrastinator, this bucket is the conveyance by which the materials are transported to the compost bin.


7. Liquor Bucket. Clearly the best kind. Liquor buckets tend to be used to hold/chill wine, but there’s no reason why anyone should stop there. What’s so special about wine that only it should be babied and coddled? Cold rum is always nice. Or bitch beers. A bucket like this inspires all kinds of creativity, and there are no wrong answers. Cheers!

LIQUOR BUCKET containing various liquors

One Comment leave one →
  1. J-Ho permalink
    September 26, 2010 9:49 pm

    I laughed so hard reading this l would have needed the puke bucket if I’d been drinking. Kudos, Meaghan, big freakin kudos!

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