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Grow a Beard for a Year

August 13, 2010

Friends, lovers, swinemerchants, do you know what today is?

“Friday!” some will shout. “August 13!!!!” others will scream, shoving the first group of people aside so roughly that a number of them fall to the ground in pain.

Wrong answer, gobshites. Today is Our Daily Beard’s first birthday!

A year ago today, I was sitting in my apartment in Calgary wondering whether this was really necessary. The answer, of course, was No. But, as the careful reader may have observed, I did it anyway.

Where hasn’t the Beard taken its guests in the past 365 strange, profanity-laden days? We’ve visited Cleopatra’s love tent in ancient Egypt, my new apartment in Vancouver, and everywhere in between (that’s what she said) (n.b. joke applies only to final clause of sentence). Irregardless of the setting, the posts posted on this website have consistently failed to deliver anything resembling consistency, taste, or CanLit. Somehow, as the weeks went by, they attracted three readers, each of whom has visited the site over 2000 times.

And then there are the c(o)untless readers who have found the Beard accidentally. The hit count has soared thanks to daily searchers for “grandmother anal,” “DIY anal beads,” “anal beads grandmother,” and “grandmother anal skimming,” to say nothing of those quick typists who misspell “Our Daily Bread” and “Clint Eastwood.” We wouldn’t be at quintuple digits without you! Keep Googling disgusting stuff, you guys! I’ll be here waiting for you with a hot plate of something you’ll find confusing, obnoxious, and disappointingly unrelated to what you were actually looking for.

What will the next year bring? I don’t know; I’m not a fucking psychic. But probably more of the same content that’s earned Our Daily Beard the high honour of being described by its author as the #1 most popular website on the internet.

Dear beloved sexy readers, thanks for your support, comments, accidental visits, intended visits (if any), and so forth. I couldn’t have done this without you. No, that’s not true. I would have done it with or without you, but it’s more fun with you. Here is a celebratory photo some of you will recognize:

Happy Birthday, Beard!

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