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Do You Have Autism and Nanny Experience?

March 9, 2010

I love Craigslist. I love it. Just one ridiculous English grammar experience after another. (“Live-in Caregiver – Elderly.” I can’t apply for that, obviously, but I’m going to forward the posting to my grandma. I don’t think she’s actively looking for a job right now, what with being over 80, but sometimes when a great opportunity lands in your lap it makes you change your plans.)

Anyway, it looks like my employment worries are over. I am so going to get this autistic nanny job. Look the fuck out, other candidates, because I am going to mop the floor with you people. I have references from two psychiatrists. TWO, bitches! Those kids aren’t going to know what hit them when I come blazing through their front door. Hey, Johnny and Susie, get ready for educational play, healthy snacks, and a total lack of eye contact!

Writing this cover letter is going to be the highlight of my literary career.

Speaking of which, I got some correspondence in the mail yesterday from a certain Canadian literary magazine. It is almost certainly my very first rejection letter. I’m far too demoralized right now to open the envelope and confirm the suspicion. Some day when I’m not feeling quite so useless, unemployable, unwanted in the universe, etc., I’ll pull it out and and hang it somewhere conspicuous, maybe in a double frame with my imminent babysitting contract…

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