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Application for Senator Position (Competition No. 12-BC)

February 17, 2010

Dear Consuls of Rome,

Having just turned 30, it is with excitement and gravitas that I submit my application for the challenging yet rewarding role of Senator of the Roman Empire, as advertised by word of mouth in the Forum. I am confident that I possess the skills and experience you are looking for, and I would relish an opportunity to play a part in making this the most productive and memorable year yet for the Senatus Populusque Romanus.

As a trained classicist who has taken numerous Greek and Latin poetry and prose composition courses, I write in both languages with the quick elegance of a titmouse scurrying along a banister. I am intimately familiar with Roman literature of all genres: history, biography, epic, invective, and of course elegiac verse as recently popularized by a certain Sheepish Nose. Having studied rhetoric and oratory, you could count on me to effect real change through ballsy, fist-pounding speeches so eloquently inflammatory that being present for their delivery would cause Cicero himself to have five consecutive orgasms without even being so much as touched by Terentia or anyone else. I cut a good figure in a toga (photo available upon request), and if you want me to get a haircut, apply a false beard, and try to pass for a small-framed, effeminate man, maybe some kind of cinaedus, I think I could pull that off.

My employment history is an impressive complement to my classical education. I am an experienced lecturer, an accomplished writer, and a skilled administrator accustomed to providing informative, effective customer service in an office characterized by maximal negotium. I am a fast and accurate carver of stone tablets (approximately 2 words per hour) who abhors grammatical errors to the same extent that bees abhor smoke. Rest assured that any Senate of which I am a member will be a meticulously well-organized work environment and that my passionate dedication to our glorious and majestic Empire will be unflagging.

Whether the Senate is organizing a diplomatic excursion to Cisalpine Gaul or drafting a new law against hunting thrushes in the wintertime, I will be at the forefront of the discussion, always going above and beyond to develop creative solutions that will serve Rome effectively. You are welcome to contact me at any time by word of mouth in the Forum to discuss these matters in person. I hope to hear from you soon.

Sincerely,

Kate

(encl.)

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