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Etymology Pervert

January 20, 2010

Yesterday, someone found my blog by Google-searching “etymology pervert.”

I immediately like this person. I’m guessing s/he was trying to look up the etymology of “pervert” (someone needs to write a good solid article about the extent to which Latin-based terms for mental or emotional qualities are metaphors whose literal meanings are vividly physical – depressed, introverted, expressive, flexible, pretentious, deviant, intuitive, adaptable, etc. – and how this suggests that Romans, or perhaps humans, don’t have a flaming clue what the mind actually is or does) and neglected the preposition, thereby discovering my “Etymology and Perverts” post.

As usual, I’m one step behind my readers. They come to this blog with expectations, but it’s only after they have arrived eagerly and departed disappointedly, trailing a wake of informative statistics, that I am able to answer their burning questions (Latin: per, “beyond/very” + versus, “turned”) or contribute to the successful execution of after-dark craft projects. I can but sincerely and humbly apologize to the public for this constant series of letdowns.

Thanks to today’s Googler, though, I was able to enjoy a hell of a mental image, and now you can too. Imagine if there really was an Etymology Pervert.

Q: What do you mean? Can you use that in a sentence?

A: For sure: Oh shit, here comes the Etymology Pervert again.

Q: I think I’m starting to understand where this is going, but how about another?

A: I was just sitting down to dinner when I noticed the Etymology Pervert, wearing a filthy thrift-store hat and clutching a sticky old Latin dictionary, lurking expectantly at my kitchen window.

I love everything about the idea of an Etymology Pervert slinking around the neighbourhood, polluting the minds of children and adults alike with all the grotesqueries that Indo-European and its descendants have to offer. In fact – light bulb!! –  I could do this job. I’m currently unemployed, and I do have the academic background. It would just take a bit of makeup, a trip to Value Village, a DIY haircut, and a series of dental misfortunes. Depending on VV’s selection, I might even luck into a previously-enjoyed unitard! I’m sure this role would teach me a lot about operating a small business, plus I’d have a chance to do exactly the kind of networking that would help me get established in Vancouver’s thriving dominatrix industry. I could even hire myself out for birthday parties and corporate barbeques! Pretty soon I’d be heading straight from a day of corrupting minors and stay-at-home moms to a lucrative evening at the ol’ Whip ‘n’ Lip, stopping only at the bank to deposit huge stacks of money.

That’s etymotainment!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. reneethewriter permalink
    January 21, 2010 11:31 am

    pssst, hello. Lots to read here. R

    • Kate permalink*
      January 22, 2010 8:41 pm

      Poetry homies in the Megaverse! That makes me happy. I bet everyone’s blog stats went up a little after class this week…

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