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Gang Violence

November 23, 2009

Unfortunately, those of us who are heavily involved in the rap game have no choice but to dislike certain people. In general, we have a great deal of respect and affection for anyone whose area code is the same as ours, while we feel animosity toward those whose area codes are different. Of particular irritation to rap artists are people who live on a different side of North America from them. Basically, there’s a west side and an east side, and the two sides are engaged in an ongoing dispute that can be traced back to the mid-’90s and may or may not have been orchestrated by Suge Knight. Then there’s everybody in the middle. Those people are at best disregarded and at worst gangbanged, in accordance with their behaviour. They are well advised to form alliances with one side or the other, for protection.

As I am about to relocate to Vancouver, which is located on what is known as “the west side,” it is inevitable that many people who are currently friends of mine will become Gat targets of mine. I sincerely regret this. It’s one of the downsides to moving to Vancouver, but, as I have explained in a previous post, I have to go, because gangsta superstardom is my destiny, and the writing program to which I have been accepted is going to help me to achieve it. Anyone in my circle who is from an eastern province, or has even spent time living in one, needs to realize that I – or, more likely, selected members of my entourage – will be coming for them sooner or later. That’s just the way it is. It is in an apologetic spirit that I offer the following tribute to gang violence.

Muthafuckas all be ridin’ my autobiographic flow.
It’s easy like Sunday afternoon auto traffic flow.
You can call me Mr. Johnson ‘cause it’s magic, ho,
But call me Sophocles too ‘cause it’s about to get tragic though.
It’s about to get uncomf’table for you ‘cause I’m movin’.
I be done with Calgary, I’m gonna do some Vancouvin’.
And we can’t be friends now, ‘cause I gotta get my ends now.
The story line bends now, I’ll be rollin’ in a Benz now.
Fuck the Lauriers, twenty dolla billz is what I spends now.
I buy a small coffee, slap a Queen Liz on the counter;
The barista’s like “Whaaaat?”, her mouth gapin’ like a flounder.

Maybe we were friends before, but now I’m like, “Who you be?”
You better talk in past tense when you sayin’ you knew me.
Situation’s past tense now that I’m 604.
Bitch, we ain’t all Lilo-and-Stitch no more.
When I’m done wit’ you you won’t be rich no more.
East side fucka, I’ma bust out my Gat,
Rob yo’ 403 ass ‘cause I gotta feed my cat.
Shoulda named her Biggie Smalls ‘cause she’s a fat black playa.
Piss her off she’ll whip her razor-sharp claws out and slay ya.

The whole Atlantic gonna be in a panic, I’m so aggressive.
I drink lithium batteries, I’m so manic-depressive.
You never know what I’m gonna do
‘Til it’s already been done to you.
Put the barrel of my gun to you,
Now yo lady gonna run to you.
I gotta flee the scene, but it’s a damn shame, I hate to leave her.
Can’t no Canadian shorty resist a maple beaver.

All you muthafuckas got a bad east infection.
You be talkin’ all crazy wit’ your east inflection.
If you from Quebec, I’ll break your neck, what the heck?
(Et encore en français: c’est ton cou que je vais casser.)
If you from Ontario, scary ho, I’ll bury yo
Ass in the dirt.
Best believe it’ll hurt.
If you from Nova Scotia, I’ma roast ya.
If you from Newfoundland, I’ma ghost ya, understand?
Prince Edward Island pussies, you surrounded by ocean.
So where you gonna run when my gun be in motion?
This land is my land, this land ain’t your land.
This Mack in my hand take cash from your hand.

West side, bitches.
Let’s ride, bitches.
I’m comin’ in like the tide, bitches.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. cockrocker69 permalink
    November 23, 2009 9:30 am

    Bitch, you gonna be more full of holes than your MA thesis. Bring it! Cuz I gots my 9 and you gots little time. Mid-continent, baby!

  2. Sleepless in TO permalink
    November 24, 2009 9:05 pm

    Well fuck, even if we are now so geographically opposed, I’m not talking like that.
    Mainly because in the East here, we ain’t down with that shit.

  3. Kate permalink*
    November 25, 2009 9:49 pm

    I’ma aim my Gat and bust a cap in both o’ y’all’s irises.
    You’ll be more fulla holes than Oxyrhynchus papyruses.

    Mid-continent?
    You’s incontinent.

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