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October 15, 2009

Any linguist will tell you that it’s never too early to start teaching kids their Indo-European roots. I don’t have kids and I never will, but I know some. That’s why I conceived a children’s book in which drawings of cute animals in adorable situations are paired with sentences or phrases containing words that share roots with the animal’s name. It’s fun and educational. Calvert Watkins will get a cut of the royalties, but I’ll get most of the money, unless he wants to contribute to the illustrations, in which case we’ll have to negotiate something more in the 40-60 range. As you read the following snippets, imagine them paired with gently humourous pen-and-ink cartoon-style drawings. Thanks. This thing is going to be a hot seller.

(Just humour me. I’ll write about something else tomorrow. The weather maybe. Like, come on. A foot of snow? In early October? Hey, that’s awesome; now maybe it could slowly melt over a period of days and every time the temperature goes below zero all the slush and water could re-freeze and cause all kinds of falling and car accidents.)

  • The partridge farted.
  • A fortunate ferret furtively brought an amphora to Aberdeen.
  • A pedestrian platypus
  • The cheetah wrote poetry in her maidenhood.
  • A jowly cockchafter stole earth from the aardvark.
  • A porcelain porcupine
  • Bernard the beaver goes berserk.
  • The territorial terrier kept watch from the terrace.
  • Duncan the deer dwelt like a dolt in the wilderness with a fuliginous stove and a dull dove duvet.
  • A muscular mouse
  • A volatile vole
  • Abrasive rats shave rodents with razors.
  • Postpartum, the heifer prepares a parade for the Parcae.
  • A flustered plover flees pneumonia.
  • A hog was shocked by a socket in the soil.
  • Pusillanimous ponies impoverish poultry.
  • A mite maimed an ant in the mayhem.
  • An insect with a hacksaw

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